A wife is always the keeper of her husband’s secrets, the closest person to him, and the one most familiar with his traits and the depths of his soul. She is the most entitled person to know these matters.

Every person needs a confidant to whom they can reveal their worries and seek advice. There are secrets a person may not want to reveal immediately, nor keep hidden forever—thus, they need someone to entrust with them.

If revealing a secret is a blameworthy trait in anyone, it is far more severe when it comes from either spouse.

This reveals a side of the strict action taken by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ toward all his wives. His response served as a lesson, a warning, and a powerful message that remains etched in the mind: he vowed not to approach them for an entire month. In fact, they were at risk of divorce and being replaced by others.

This leads us to explore the motivation behind revealing secrets in general and, more specifically, the motive behind revealing it in this particular case.

Psychological Motives Behind Revealing a Secret

People’s souls and temperaments differ from one another, and accordingly, their motives for revealing secrets also differ. However, these motives can generally be traced back to the following main reasons:

1. A desire to portray oneself as special in the eyes of the person who entrusted them with the secret—after all, had they not been worthy of trust and honesty, they wouldn’t have been given the secret or singled out for this distinction.

In this act of disclosure, there is a type of boasting and showing off, highlighting superiority over others. But in reality, it often masks an inferiority complex sensed by the one who reveals the secret.

1. A desire to provoke jealousy and envy in others, or to gloat over them for not receiving the same privilege, while the revealer did. Although this is close to the first motive, they differ in their outcomes: the first is about boasting, the second is about gloating.
2. A desire to harm the one who shared the secret, by shaking people’s trust in him once they realize what he truly harbors within.
3. Seeking closeness to others by doing them a favor, in exchange for some material or moral benefit. This includes what was done by Hatib ibn Abi Balta’ah رضي الله عنه when he wrote to the Quraysh informing them of the Prophet’s ﷺ intention to conquer Makkah. He explicitly stated that he only did this to gain favor with them to protect his wealth and family, not out of disbelief after having faith.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ believed him and did not allow anyone to insult or harm him in any way.

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Taken from the book: “Raising a Muslim Family in the Light of Surat Al-Tahrim.”