Once a young relative visited me. He had a high degree and earned a large salary. He was fit and well-mannered. However, although he was nearly thirty years old, he was still single, so I asked him: Why don’t you get married?
He told me that he found all of our married brothers complaining about marital discord, experiencing its pain, and swallowing its bitterness, and most of them wished they had never gotten married. I knew that marriage these days is a headache and brain fatigue, and I do not like to buy pain and trouble for myself and pay for it!
I said to him: “Are the ten people whom you asked all the people?”
“And if they are tired and troubled, are all married people like them and every marriage is nothing but headache and brain fatigue?
Why did you ask them and not me?
I am more knowledgeable.
If a man thinks himself an expert because he attends five family councils to determine and judge between different spouses, then I have attended over thirty thousand court sessions where I heard from husbands and wives.
Moreover, I work in psychoanalysis and study sociology.
If one day I retire and won't work as a lawyer or as a writer, I will open a family studies office in which I will solve marital problems. I am a technical expert in the subject, so ask me.
He said: “Don’t you see that most married people are constantly in conflict?”
I replied: “I would first like to define the meaning of disagreement. If you want (and those you asked also wanted) a married life free of any difference of opinion between the spouses, and for the entire marital life to be one month of the honeymoon and one session of Romeo and Juliet or Qais and Laila, This can never happen.
What is there in love gatherings except this empty talk? The woman says to him: “I love you,” and he says to her: “I love you,” and they repeat this word until it has no meaning left, then they get bored and remain silent!
Is it possible that life's whole life is I love you, I love you, I love you, as little boys imagine?
If Qays had married Laila and confined himself to talking about love, a dispute would have occurred between them from the first month, the neighbors would have heard their heated argument in the second month, and a separation lawsuit would have been filed in the Sharia court before the end of the year!
There cannot be a husband and wife in this world who live this romantic imaginary life that only exists in stories.
Disputes happens occasionally in every relationship, and this is true in every household. Even in the Messenger's (ﷺ) own family, there were still instances of what occurs between women. This is the Qur’an, so read “Surat Al-Tahrim” if you wish.
The Companions of the Prophet (ﷺ) and their wives disagreed. A man came complaining about his wife to Omar bin Al-Khattab, and when he knocked on the door, he heard Omar’s wife raising her voice at him while he was silent. This is the great Omar bin Al-Khattab, who was feared by men. So the man left, but Omar came out and called him, so he came back.
Omar said to him: What's wrong with you? He said: O Commander of the Faithful, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad behavior and that she dares me, but I found you like me. Omar laughed and said: I tolerate her for the rights she has over me.
God Almighty did not create two people exactly alike. Even if twins stand together, subtle differences will be found between them. God did not create two people with the same nature.
If the spouses, partners, and companions do not want to disagree and remain in agreement, one of them must go along with the other, and go against his own opinion in order to follow the opinion of his companion.
If everyone sticks to his own opinion, they cannot agree. If you are on the right sidewalk of the street and your companion is on the left sidewalk and you want to shake hands with him, you will not be able to. One of you must walk toward the other or walk together until you meet in the middle of the road.
Every company must have a president, and the man is - without a doubt - the president of the marital company, so his opinion must be the priority, provided that he does not interfere in every small or large matter and poke his nose into sweeping, cooking, and tidying the house, as this is the woman’s right, as she is the “Minister of the Interior.” He has general supervision, such as the supervision of the Prime Minister.
If, for example, a woman does not care about cleaning the house or prepares food poorly, alert her.
If she was afflicted with cleanliness madness, she would forget herself without food, forget the right of her husband and her son to wipe the tiles and clean the house, and all you would see of her was running from here to there, her husband had to warn her.
Most men do not care about cleanliness, the shine of the tiles, or the arrangement of the seats. Rather, they care about finding a partner for their life who agrees with them, follows their doctrines, and agrees with their opinion. Among the women are those who suffer from this disease (the disease of cleanliness) until they leave the furnished rooms of the house for the devils, and no one uses them, and they sit in a corner and force their husband to sit there. When he sat on the comfortable seat, his wife shouted at him: “Get up, you have spoiled him!” Didn't you see me working on it since the morning?
She may sleep on a “rug” to keep the bed tidy, even though no one comes in to see it and it is not put in a display! A rational woman is the one who sees what pleases her husband and does it. The man must also seek her pleasure and satisfaction, and not be deceived by this authority and think that he has become Chosroes or Caesar, knowing only commands and prohibitions, and his gentleness and kindness should not be for people outside his home only, for there are those among people whose goodness is to strangers and whose evil is to family.
