Today, one of the most complex social issues with the deepest impact on the life of the nation is the problem of marriage. This issue can be summed up in one sentence: we have thousands upon thousands of young women of marriageable age who cannot find suitors, and thousands upon thousands of young men who either cannot find brides or do not want to marry.

My discussion today focuses on the causes of this problem, its consequences, and ways to resolve it.

Consequences of the Marriage Problem

One of its consequences is the moral corruption that every country in this Islamic East complains about. I cannot speak openly because I am not addressing an audience whose preferences and inclinations I know, nor am I speaking in a closed gathering. Instead, I am delivering this talk without knowing who might be listening—perhaps among them are young women, young men, or individuals in whose presence it would not be appropriate to speak explicitly about such matters.

Therefore, I will say this: Allah has not forbidden anything without providing a lawful alternative. He prohibited usury but permitted trade, and He forbade fornication but made marriage lawful. When the path to what is lawful is blocked, a person is left with no means to fulfill their natural needs except through unlawful means. Thus, the inevitable result of the decline in marriage is an increase in corruption. Perhaps I will speak separately and in detail about moral corruption, but for now, I will state clearly that the only way to eliminate this corruption is to facilitate marriage.

Causes of the Marriage Problem

The first cause is the education system. This system goes against Allah’s natural design, contradicts human nature, and defies reality. The Almighty placed the instinct of sexual desire in both young men and women and decreed that it should manifest around the age of fifteen. When a boy or girl reaches this age, what was dormant awakens, and what was hidden becomes apparent. However, the education system requires that young men and women remain in schools until the age of twenty-five. A child enters school at the age of seven, spends twelve years in primary and secondary education—bringing them to the age of nineteen—then continues in university for four to seven more years, making them between twenty-three and twenty-six years old upon graduation.

If they then pursue a doctorate in Europe or America and spend at least another three years abroad, they return at the age of thirty or so.

How does one spend these critical ten to fifteen years—the most intense period of life in terms of desire, passion, and nervous agitation—especially while living in an environment filled with sexual temptations? And if they travel to the West, they encounter even greater seductions.

Thus, in my opinion, the first cause of this problem is the education system. Half a century ago in Damascus, when most people worked in trade and were not engaged in university studies, it was common for a young man to own a shop by the age of twenty, have a stable income, and become a husband, a father, and the head of a household. Likewise, a girl would typically marry by the age of fourteen.

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The second cause is these dreadful wedding customs that devastate both the father’s finances and the groom’s, without benefiting anyone. They serve only as displays of vanity and competition in extravagance, whether in demanding excessive dowries or purchasing luxurious wedding trousseaus that contain items of little necessity or utility.

There is also a long series of costly ceremonies: the engagement party, the ring-exchange celebration, the wedding contract ceremony (sometimes preceded by another engagement ritual), the wedding celebration itself, the seven-day festivities, the gathering for introducing the families, and more. Each of these events costs hundreds and brings together people who have no real connection or mutual understanding—often, they do not even know each other beforehand.

For men, these gatherings are filled with noise, chaos, and disorder—or, alternatively, forced silence and hushed, formal conversations. For women, they turn into fashion shows where each one flaunts her dress and critiques the outfits of others!

When I was in Java (Indonesia), I observed that most young men were married. I inquired about their marriage customs and found them to be the simplest and easiest process. I could not help but compare that to the extreme difficulties of marriage in our own countries, where so many obstacles are placed in its path that unlawful relationships become a hundred times easier than lawful marriage (I say this with both embarrassment and sorrow). Parents often turn a blind eye to this immorality and unknowingly facilitate it by neglecting religious and moral upbringing while simultaneously obstructing marriage and placing countless barriers in its way.

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The third cause is that most spouses have abandoned religious teachings and failed to adhere to their responsibilities. The husband does not understand his duties toward his wife and does not fulfill them, and the wife does not understand her duties toward her husband and does not fulfill them. As a result, conflict enters most homes, turning the married life into an unbearable hell. Court cases pile up, divorces become widespread, and young unmarried individuals witness these problems and grow even more disillusioned with marriage, preferring to avoid it altogether.

The fourth cause is moral corruption itself, which, while a result of the marriage crisis, has now become one of its causes. A young man who does not marry, despite feeling a strong urge to do so, often seeks alternative (illicit) means to satisfy his desires. The easy accessibility of immorality further discourages him from marriage.

Why should he bother with the expenses and troubles of marriage? Why should he deal with marital disputes when he can fulfill his desires without any of these obligations?

Thus, I must reiterate: the problems of marriage and public and secret prostitution are deeply intertwined, and neither can be solved without addressing the other.

The fifth cause is simply a reflection of how I began this discussion: we have thousands upon thousands of young women without husbands and thousands upon thousands of young men without wives.

Young men vary in their financial status, education, religiosity, and attitudes toward life—some are wealthy, some are poor; some are cultured, some are uneducated; some are devout, some are lax; some are serious, some are frivolous. Among women, there are counterparts for every category of men. If every young man seeking marriage were to propose to a woman who matched him in mindset, social status, and worldview, we would not see a tenth of the marital discord that exists today.

All this requires is a group of reformers who actively encourage marriage, promote it, and guide each suitor toward a suitable family. If every neighborhood had a few of these reformers, a significant part of this problem would be solved.

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Taken from the book: “With the people,” Chapter: The Problem of Marriage.