In an era where the battle between tradition and the currents of modern imitation rages on, the waves crash around us, leaving generations torn between the technologies of the modern age and the challenges of daily life. The role of parents in raising children on values of self-development and skill acquisition remains one of the greatest responsibilities and heaviest trusts. As parents, we must differentiate between what we grew up with and what our children need to acquire to navigate the fast-changing course of life.

It was narrated from Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (may Allah be pleased with him): “Teach your children what you were not taught, for they were created for a time other than yours.” This profound understanding of children’s needs and guiding them toward paths that ensure them a bright future suited to their time is essential in building a strong society capable of keeping up with global changes.

The educational system, with its various components—parents, mothers, and teachers—carries the responsibility of guiding children and helping them form their initial concepts about the world through direction on one hand and positive role modeling on the other. This necessitates that educators develop their skills, enhance their capabilities, and seek methods to acquire the appropriate experiences to guide them toward shaping constructive generations. Parenting cannot be considered an easy task; it is an art that requires wisdom and deep awareness to steer children toward the best outcomes. However, several challenges may lead to parenting mistakes that affect children’s personalities in the future. Among the most prominent of these mistakes are:

• Overprotection: Parents may think they are shielding their children from life’s shocks, but this excessive protection hinders their growth and prevents them from acquiring the necessary skills to face future challenges. It also denies them the opportunity to build independent personalities capable of taking responsibility on their own.
• Unrealistic Expectations: Setting overly high expectations for children can lead to psychological pressure, impeding their natural development and making them feel incapable of overcoming life’s challenges.
• Neglecting the Children: Amidst the hustle and bustle of professional life and daily pressures, parents might become distracted from their children, overlooking the importance of dedicating sufficient time to talk or provide guidance. This can deteriorate the parent-child relationship and lead to a loss of valuable teaching and guidance opportunities.
• Lack of Role Models: When children lack a living example in their lives, values and principles may become mere words without real-life application. As the famous saying goes:
  “One day, the peacock walked arrogantly, and his offspring imitated his walk. He said, ‘Why do you walk this way?’ They replied, ‘We are merely copying you.’”
  Children often mirror their parents’ actions, and when parents fail to exemplify positive behaviors in their daily lives, it diminishes the power of role modeling and reduces values to something malleable and easy to disregard.

Nevertheless, some parents mistakenly believe that absolute perfection is the only path to being a good role model, overemphasizing every detail, thereby creating psychological pressure on their children. This excessive expectation of perfection turns the concept of role modeling into a heavy burden. A balanced approach to being a role model is necessary, showing children that mistakes are part of life and that lessons can be learned from them rather than feared.

Overindulgence in Pampering

Some parents assume that excessively pampering their children is the key to making them happy, providing them with everything they want without limits. This reinforces the notion of "I am the king of this house." However, this overindulgence can result in the formation of dependent personalities unfamiliar with the value of effort and hard work. Such children may fear facing challenges or dealing with the realities of life outside their comfort zone.

Conversely, some parents believe that strictness and austerity are the best solutions, becoming excessively harsh with their children. This creates a rigid personality, incapable of dealing with emotions or adapting to life’s demands. Extreme discipline may transform the home into a psychological prison, void of emotional connection. Between overindulgence and excessive strictness lies a middle ground where children receive support and care while being taught responsibility and independence.

Lack of Supervision: Absence of Guidance or Lack of Trust?

When parents neglect to supervise their children’s actions, mistakenly thinking this reflects excessive trust in them, they open the door to potential misconduct. Supervision is not about restricting freedom but rather a means of protecting children from pitfalls. The absence of oversight leaves them vulnerable to negative external influences, especially in an age of unrestricted access to global influences.

Parenting requires a delicate balance between excess and negligence. Any deviation from this balance can result in mistakes that deeply affect children’s lives. Parents must serve as realistic, yet imperfect, role models, mindful of their children’s needs for independence while providing support and care. They must know when to intervene and when to allow their children the space to develop the life skills they need.

In light of the above, parents can avoid these mistakes and be more effective in nurturing their children’s skills by adopting a positive approach to parenting, which includes:

• Positive Role Modeling: Actions speak louder than words. Parents being living examples of the skills they wish to instill in their children is essential, as observational learning is one of the most powerful tools for development.
• Encouraging Independence: Parents should allow their children the space to do things on their own, even if it involves making mistakes. Mistakes are not the end of the road but the beginning of the learning and growth journey.
• Building Self-Confidence: The more trust parents place in their children, the more capable they become of facing challenges with determination and resilience.
• Listening and Guiding: In a world full of challenges, parents need not only to be mentors but also good listeners to understand their children’s interests and aspirations. This enables them to guide their children toward acquiring skills that align with these goals.

Ultimately, parenting extends beyond the traditional skills learned in schools or daily life. It must encompass self-development. As Stephen Covey states in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: "True strength lies in our ability to control ourselves and direct our lives."
This underscores the importance of instilling values related to self-development in children’s hearts from an early age.

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• D. in Educational Administration.

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