If you have wasted a lot of time and wish that time could take you back again…
If you regret many things that happened, words that were spoken, opportunities that were wasted, and dreams that were destroyed…
I regret to tell you that you are still crying over spilled milk.
In an English school, a teacher wanted to teach his students a lesson about the danger of excessive regret. He brought a glass cup, filled it with milk, and then broke the cup, causing the milk to spill onto the ground. He then asked the students to collect the spilled milk, but they did not even attempt to do so, as it was obvious that the milk could not be returned to the cup. When they realized their inability to restore the cup and milk as they were, the teacher told them, “My dear, do not cry over spilled milk.”
Do not cry over the past and lose both the present and the future. Do not keep looking back, for you will inevitably fall face-first at the first obstacle. Do not stand before the clock, pleading with its hands to turn backward!
Regret is of two types:
Desirable regret and forbidden regret. The first type of remorse is admirable in its purpose, noble in its goal and origin. Regarding this, the Prophet ﷺ said in a hadith narrated by Ibn Mas'ud, “The believer sees in his sins as though he were sitting under a mountain which he fears may fall on him, but the profligate sees his sins like a fly which has passed over his nose and which he has brushed away with his hand.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)
This type of regret is necessary because it motivates action. As for the forbidden type of regret, it is when a person reproaches himself over missed worldly gains and desires. This type is prohibited because it destroys the soul and hinders action. Ibn Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “There is no one who does not feel sadness, but the prohibited joy and sorrow are those that lead to what is not permissible.”
Four Reasons to Stop Forbidden Regret
1. Regret is a Sign of Discontent with Allah’s Decree
Allah says: “No disaster strikes upon the earth or among yourselves except that it is in a register before We bring it into being—indeed that, for Allah, is easy. In order that you not despair over what has eluded you and not exult [in pride] over what He has given you. And Allah does not like everyone self-deluded and boastful.” (Al-Hadid: 22-23)
When Abu Al-Su’ood interpreted these verses, he said: We have informed you of this so that you do not grieve over the worldly blessings and adornments you missed, nor rejoice excessively over what Allah has given you. For whoever knows that everything is predestined, he understands that what is meant to pass will pass, and what is meant to come will come. Thus, he neither excessively grieves over what is lost nor exults over what is gained. The believer does not regret the past; if it was good, then that is great, and if not, then it is a lesson.
2. You Cannot Change the Past, But You Can Shape the Future
The words you regret saying, the people who hurt you, and the past that shackles you with ropes of remorse—all of these are beyond your control because they have already happened and become part of history. So, will you deepen your wounds with the daggers of the past, or will you heal them with the opportunities of the future?
Today, you can choose your words carefully, think before you act, deliberate over your decisions, and select what suits you. Instead of self-reproach, you can turn the lessons you learned into real-life applications that make you content with yourself.
Abu Huraira reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “A believer who is strong (and healthy) is better and dearer to Allah than the weak believer, but there is goodness in both of them. Be keen on what benefits you and seek help from Allah, and do not give up. If anything afflicts you do not say, ‘If I had done such and such things, such and such would have happened.’ But say, ‘Allah decrees and what He wills He does,’ for (the utterance) ‘If I had’ provides an opening for the deeds of the devil.” (Muslim)
In explaining this hadith, Sheikh Abdul Rahman Al-Sa’di said: Saying ‘if only’ in such cases opens the door to Satan's work, as it weakens belief in divine decree, makes a person object to it, and leads him into sorrow and distress. Thus, the Prophet ﷺ instructed us to focus on beneficial matters that we can attain rather than dwelling on what has passed and is beyond our control, seeking Allah's help in these matters, and accepting what we have missed.
3. Forbidden Regret is the Fastest Way to Self-Destruction
Regret and guilt are emotional states often triggered by violating one’s conscience, values, and beliefs.
Excessive regret turns into a dangerous disease that eats away at a person, dragging them into a psychological battle they cannot withstand—a battle that can lead to a loss of control, causing severe problems such as anxiety, stress, and depression.
Approximately 280 million people worldwide suffer from depression, and it is 50% more common among women than men. One of the key causes of depression is excessive regret and the inability to move past it.
This is why the Prophet ﷺ used to make this supplication: "O Allah, I seek refuge in You from worry and sorrow, from weakness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice."
So, understand that if you regret the past and fear the future, you will have no time left to live in the present.
4. Being Unique and Different from Others
In his book The Power of Regret, author Daniel Pink conducted a Global Regret Survey, and the biggest revelation was that all countries in the world experience regret at nearly the same rates.
He asked people a question without explicitly using the word “regret”: “How often do you look back at your life and wish you had done something differently?”
The results showed that 83% of the world’s population experiences regret!
If such a large percentage of people suffer from regret, then why not be different?
Why not use your regret as an opportunity to fuel your progress instead of dragging yourself down?
Why keep looking back when you still have countless opportunities ahead?
Isn't it time to be unique and set yourself apart from the rest?
Close the windows of regret before they shut the doors of happiness and joy. Free yourself from the chains that have weighed you down, and take a new step forward—a step filled with inner peace and free from self-reproach.
We conclude with the words of Ibn Al-Qayyim: Before regret overtakes you... redeem yourself today, for the market is open, the price is affordable, and the goods are plentiful. A day will come when neither little nor much will be available… “That is the Day of Deprivation” ... “And the Day the wrongdoer will bite on his hands [in regret]”.
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