He came to his bride, pretending to be joyful and happy, with his hands behind his back, hiding something to surprise her. He called her with a smile, even though his heart was torn with sorrow and pain for her: “I brought you a gift, my beautiful bride. Don’t you want to know what it is? Close your eyes and get ready for a sweet surprise.”
The bride's face lit up as she imagined the gift. Was it a golden bracelet, the usual present given by a groom to his bride? Or perhaps a precious diamond ring to adorn her finger? Maybe his gift was her wedding dress, with the date approaching quickly?
But she quickly brushed those thoughts aside when the sides of her worn-out tent shook with the sound of the wind. The groom extended his hand, offering the gift. She opened her eyes and smiled at him when she saw it. What a gift! It was a loaf of bread!
This scene is neither a dream nor a fantasy but a living reality that no one can deny. In Gaza, the bride's gift has become a loaf of bread, a packet of instant noodles, a single egg, or some fruit. Yet the lovers accept these gifts with pure, genuine smiles, not burdening their loved ones with unbearable demands, not rebuking them for their helplessness, not asking for more, not insisting on delaying the marriage until things get better, and not rejecting a suitor until the country's and people's conditions improve.
And even if they did, they would have every excuse, for they are human, harboring wishes and dreams like everyone else. But they don’t do that! This bride doesn't see her gift as just a loaf of bread; rather, she says, “It’s the first gift since our engagement, the most precious, and it will remain etched in my memory forever!”
What remarkable contentment Allah has blessed them with, adorning their souls! What an exemplary model of modesty, goodwill, satisfaction, generosity, and love they present to people! What a living embodiment of the Prophet's ﷺ saying: “Wealth is not in having many possessions, but rather (true) wealth is feeling sufficiency in the soul.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)
This is a profound lesson in contentment for all married couples and those preparing for marriage, as well as for every father seeking to marry his daughter off to a man of religion and good character amidst the difficult economic conditions many people face across different countries. Unfortunately, instead of simplifying marriage by reducing its expenses, costs have risen and become more complicated, leaving young men confused and helpless, unable to proceed with marriage unless they can afford its excessive and overwhelming expenses. Rather than understanding this and empathizing with the groom's circumstances, some fathers obstruct their daughters' marriage, unintentionally causing harm, which may be one of the reasons behind the rising phenomenon of spinsterhood and delayed marriage for both men and women.
The point of mentioning this scene is not that the groom’s gift to his bride should be a loaf of bread or something similar, but rather the lessons in contentment that adorn the little and make it abundant in the eyes, reflecting the beloved's circumstances and conditions. This sharing of hardship relieves their burden instead of trapping them in helplessness and feelings of inadequacy, as some do.
Some fathers demand an unaffordable dowry from their daughters' suitors, insisting that the groom must own a house, not rent one, and even transfer its ownership to the bride before consenting to the marriage. If only such a father would reflect, he would realize that Allah did not specify the dowry in His Book, nor did He detail it as He did with inheritance shares. Rather, He left it to people's circumstances and individual capabilities. One groom might only be able to offer an iron ring, while another could provide a mountain of gold. The value and amount of the dowry vary from one suitor to another.
However, some people go to extremes in dowries, both immediate and deferred, and this may later negatively impact the married couple’s life, causing anxiety and worry over the consequences of such extravagance.
Some mothers demand a specific quantity of gold for their daughters, thinking this elevates their daughter's value in the groom’s eyes and fearing potential betrayal from the husband after marriage.
Another mother requires household and electrical appliances, both necessary and unnecessary, while a third insists on furnishing one or more rooms for future children, who have not yet been born, adorning them with toys. As for the wardrobe, it must contain clothes of every color, shape, trend, and era — enough for the bride to wear for a lifetime, with some left over!
Excessiveness and extravagance even extend to the wedding dress, with the addition of beauty salon fees and renting the wedding hall, all of which require a fortune that this young man, just starting his life, simply does not have. This may lead him to debts and loans, causing him to suffer from overwhelming debt and possibly resort to interest-based loans while still at the beginning of his professional life, where his salary may not even cover one of these required expenses.
The reverse scenario can also occur, where the groom and his family insist on offering a minimal dowry despite their financial capability, demanding unreasonable and extravagant requests from the bride’s family, or requiring the purchase of luxurious furnishings that could be easily done without for now. They might even insist on a particular type of furniture and bedding of very high value, looking down on the bride if she fails to meet these demands.
All these practices burden parents and couples, placing them in difficult situations. How, then, can we expect to find the love we seek and hope for? Where is the treasure of contentment that elevates and enriches us? The Prophet ﷺ said: “Successful is the one who enters the fold of Islam and is provided with sustenance which is sufficient for his day's needs, and Allah makes him content with what He has bestowed upon him.” (Narrated by Muslim)
The Prophet ﷺ encouraged making marriage easy, saying: “The best marriage is the one that is most easy.” (Sahih al-Jami’) He mentioned that this simplicity brings blessing and much good, saying: “One of the signs of a woman being blessed is that the process of proposing to her is made easy and the dowry is made affordable and she bears children easily.” (Sahih al-Jami’) He also said: “The best dowry is that which is most easy.” (Sahih al-Jami’)
Even if some of these examples of extravagance in dowries and wedding expenses have become customs and norms, they need to be reconsidered and replaced with proper values and concepts about true marital happiness. This happiness is not built on furnishings and decorations; true love cannot be bought with money or property. The righteous wife is the true treasure for a husband, and a righteous husband is every Muslim girl’s dream, bringing joy and happiness.
Tomorrow, in Allah’s will, the drums of joy will beat in homes filled with such values. Tomorrow, ease will overcome hardship, and the groom in Gaza will bring his bride gifts, adorning her with gold bracelets and a wedding dress. Tomorrow, the loaf of bread will transform into a happy, prosperous home filled with goodness and blessed with righteous offspring.
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